The following guide is a datasheet with all the essential information you'll need to know about meeting and dating Indonesian girls.

It's a list of questions that people have asked me over time. I tried to answer them as concisely as possible so you won't lose time reading it. If you still have interrogations, please ask them in the comment section below.

What Are the Best Cities to Meet Indonesian Girls?

1) Jakarta and its suburbs (Bekasi, Depok, Tangerang)
The whole metropolitan area has 35 millions inhabitants in total. That's probably several million single women. No need to say more.

2) Surabaya
Second city in Indonesia with over 3 million people. It's a rather clean city, well-managed, and affordable. Very few foreigners live there. In my experience, Surabaya girls make great girlfriends.

3) South Bali
The area between Kuta, Seminyak and Denpasar attracts Indonesian girls from all over the country. Many are looking to marry foreigners.

4) Bandung
Only 3 hours away from Jakarta, Bandung is the capital of West Java and the third largest Indonesian city. It is home to a large student population. Sundanese girls are considered among the most beautiful in Indonesia.

What are the Best Dating Apps for Indonesia?
There are dozens of dating apps and sites to meet Indonesian girls, but only a few of them have a really large database of users. My favorite ones are the following:

1) Tinder
Thousands of profiles available. Most girls on Tinder expect you to live in Indonesia so it might not be great if you're only passing by. It works best with guys who are young and good-looking.

IndonesianCupid is perfect for men who are not living in Indonesia. It's a more traditional match-making website, with a focus on personality more than looks. Recommended to prepare for a trip. Free to register here.

What Are the Best Clubs to Meet Indonesian Girls?
SkyGarden, La Favela

Basque, Loewy, Boca Rica, Fable, Dragonfly

What Are Indonesian Girls Like?
While each girl is different, there are certain personality traits that you will find in most Indonesian girls. This is especially true for those who belong to the middle class and who were educated in Indonesia. That's because they were raised in a similar environment, with modest means, in rather conservative and religious families.

Here are some traits that are characteristic of Indonesian girls:

- Easy-going: She won't yell at you if you are 10 minutes late (but she expects the same from you, even if she is 2 hours late).

- Cheerful: Indonesians usually have a positive outlook on life. As long as there is enough food on the table, she will be in a good mood to laugh, joke and tease.

- Kind: She will be genuinely concerned about your well-being. If she is not, change girlfriend as it probably means she hates you.

- Generous: Maybe not with you, but she won't hesitate to help a family member or a friends who needs a handout. Unfortunately, it might be done using your money.

- Religious: She is most likely to be a believer. The ones who date foreigners may more open-minded, but still they'll ask their boyfriend to convert if there is a difference of religion.

- Superstitious: I've lived 15 years in Indonesia and I have yet to meet a girl who doesn't believe in ghosts.

- Reserved: While she won't have any problems discussing her periods, she might be shy to express feelings or emotions. That can become an issue within your couple if she doesn't tell you when she is angry at you for instance.

- Touchy: Criticizing your Indonesian girlfriend is a minefield. Always be extra careful with your words.

- Group and Family-oriented: In general, her behavior will tend to match her family and her communities' expectations. Being unique or original is not valued as much as in the West.

- Strong: The average Indonesian girl probably had a much tougher life than the average Western girl. As a result, I believe they have a unique ability to overcome hardships.

- Pragmatic: She will accept and be satisfied with a situation that is not ideal, as long as it fulfills her most important requirements (economic security is often the main one).

Is My Girlfriend a Prostitute/a Good Girl?
Some guys wrote to me to express doubts about the girlfriend they were dating. Generally-speaking, if you have to ask the question, then you probably already know the answer but you are too blind to admit it. It is worth opening your eyes, though, because there is nothing worse than falling in love with someone who doesn't care about you.

What you can do is calculate how much she earns compared with how much she spends. If she is unemployed but possesses the latest iPhone, a car, an apartment and designer clothes, this means there is almost certainly one or several generous sponsors. Check on her Instagram also if there are many trips to Bali, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Hong Kong. If it was a random guy who invited her, she will probably not post any picture of him.

If she regularly goes to clubs, find out which ones. Is it often Bats, CJs or Dragonfly? That's a bit suspicious. Ask yourself how she can pay for the entrance fees and the drinks. You can have a look at a sugar baby website like SeekingArrangement and see if she or her friends are there.

There are more telltale signs that can help you figure out if she is a hooker, a sugar baby, a professional girlfriend, or just a normal girl:

→ Is she too good for you? You're 48 and balding, she's 23 and hot. That's a 95% chance she is after your wallet.

→ Does she have mutilation scars on her wrist? This is much more common than you think. It generally doesn't mean the girl tried to kill herself, but it means that she tried to manipulate someone into thinking she did. Be careful.

→ Does she always talk about how much money she needs (my brother is sick, I need to pay for my room, I need to pay my uni, etc)?

→ Does she seem to have had a lot of ex-boyfriends, with a timeline that doesn't add up? That's probably because she was dating all of them at the same time. Are you sure she is not doing the same thing with you?

→ Does she drink or smoke (especially kretek) a lot? It doesn't necessarily mean anything: I know bright Indonesian girls with good jobs and master degrees who smoke and get hammered every weekend. Yet, in most cases, it is an indication that the girl has spent a lot of time in bars/clubs. You just have to figure out what she was doing there.

→ Does she seem to be avoiding your kisses, or avoiding sex? That can be a sign that she considers being with you as "work".

→ Does she make you feel insecure? Do you feel that if she met a guy with more money tomorrow, she would go with him instead? If yes, then you know why she stays with you.

Do Indonesian Girls Like Foreigners?
I received this question dozens of times, from people of various ethnicities: White, African, Indian, Arab, Turkish, Chinese, etc.

Indonesians tend to categorize people based on their skin color, with "white" being the most desirable. Caucasians, also called bule, clearly have an advantage, though not all girls like them (read Indonesian Girls Who Never Date Foreigners). Latinos and Turkish people are often considered "bule".

Japanese and Koreans are also popular, partly due to the influence of their culture (Korean dramas, movies, mangas, K-Pop, J-Pop, etc).

With Arabs, it depends if you are a Moroccan, a Saudi, or a French from Arab descent. The latter will be considered as a bule. The others might be attractive to more conservative girls.

Darker skins, especially Indians and Africans may have more difficulties. I have heard countless time girls telling me they wouldn't date black people.

That said, the skin color isn't everything. I know white guys who can't get Indonesian girls, and I know black ones who manage to score every night. What's their secret? They are friendly, well-educated, well-dressed, polite, handsome, and they have good jobs.

Overall, being a foreigner may help or hinder you, depending on your ethnicity/nationality. But in the end, you can still make a difference with your personality/personal situation.

Is My Girlfriend Cheating on Me?
A reader of Jakarta100bars wrote a long article about this a few years ago, and I think it is still valid: 10 Signs Your Indonesian Girlfriend is Cheating on You.

What Are the Dos and Don'ts When Dating An Indonesian Girl?
If you are dating an Indonesian girl, here are a few recommendations:

- Pay for her drinks/food/movie ticket
I think you should always invite her, unless you are certain that she has a decent salary. If she insists to pay, just tell her that she can buy you coffee later.

If you don't want to pay for her, then choose an affordable restaurant with prices that match local salaries.

- Don't dress as a tourist
Jakarta is a business city, it's not Bali. Short pants and flip-flops are only acceptable on weekends. The rest of the week, make the effort to dress casual.

- Meet her in a bar/café/restaurant that has AC
The outside air in Jakarta is hot and polluted. If you don't want to look like a mess after a 1-hour dinner, choose a venue that has AC.

- Don't make derogatory comments about Indonesia
Talk about Indonesia in a positive way. Don't spend your time complaining as it will make her feel embarrassed.

I remember a terrible date I had where I started talking about how corrupt the Indonesian police was, and then the girl started crying because her dad was a policeman. Don't do that.

- Don't criticize her religion
A very touchy topic that often ends up with a disagreement. You won't change her view, so what's the point?

- Don't tell her she is skinny, short or dark
While you may mean that as a compliment, she might consider it as a criticism.

Should I Send or Give Money to My Girlfriend?
Unless you are dating an Indonesian girl who has a very good job, or who comes from a rich family, there will probably come a time in your relationship where money becomes an issue.

While it may seem normal to pay for dinners or trips, you may feel uncomfortable sending her or giving her money. After all, it is not a common thing to do in Western countries (unless your girlfriend is a sugar baby).

In Indonesia, on the contrary, it is considered normal for a boyfriend to pay for certain expenses (accommodation, phone, school fees, etc) or to give money. It is a form of commitment, and also a way to show you care and understand her situation.

Personally, I don't see any problem with that, and I've helped a few exes in the past.

Still, there are some precautions you may want to take before heading to the ATM, especially if you don't have a lot of money for yourself already.

For instance:
- Can you be sure that she is not giving the money to someone else (an Indonesian boyfriend, her dad, a friend, etc)?
- Is she honest with you about why she needs money and how she intends to spend it?
- Are there other guys giving her money as well?

You cannot be too naive if you met the girl in Bats, CJs, or Dragonfly. The prettiest ones there almost always have at least one boyfriend already.

How much you want to give depends on you and your girlfriend. What you can keep in mind is that the minimum salary in Jakarta is around 250$, and that $1,000 is the salary of a young manager in an international company.

If you live abroad, I suggest using TransferWise. It's probably one of the cheapest way to send money to Indonesia.

5 comments to '' Guide to Meeting and Dating Indonesian Girls (2021) "

  1. Thibaud has done a wonderful job with this website and salute his efforts. However, like most westerners he defines what he sees in Indonesia through those eyes, nothing wrong with that but allow me, a western expat who has been in Indonesia since 1995 to clarify some items:

    1. All Indonesian women place money above love, Indonesians as a whole are NOT romantic this is why florists are busier with funeral arrangements rather than flowers to a sweetheart. If you are a wealthy person from your country then you definitely can marry a wealthy Indonesian if not then their families probably won't allow for such a union. This leaves you with the rest of the common folk.

    2. Most beautiful young Indonesian women who are NOT rich are available to be a "simpanan" (mistress) to anyone who is willing to pay a price commensurate with their station. For example, if you meet an Indonesian woman who has a college degree, a decent job and is pretty then you better have a budget of at least IDR 50M per month. If you dont believe this just take a walk through Kalibata City, Sudirman Park or Thamrin City or any Mediterranea complex and you will see many Indonesian women who spend their weekends alone.

    3. As a foreigner you will always be expected to pay. Every now and again your girlfriend may treat you but it will be at the warung or some other type of cheap eat/drink rather than an all expenses paid night out at Skye for dinner and then onto Dragofly for bottle service. You are nothing more than ATM on two legs, remember, for the local woman it is better to be with an Indo man than a foreigner if all other things are equal (i.e. both make the same salary). Don't ever allow yourself to believe differently or you will stepped on for the rest of your life.

    3. If your Indonesian girlfriend hangs out at the bars/karaoke/disco then be assured that there is a high probability that she is a whore (professional). Regular Indo girls who aren't whores/mistresses don't hang out at bars, it is not part of their culture as muslims. IF your lovely Jakarta rose tells that she only likes to go to BATS for the music, again, rest assured other blokes in BATS have probably enjoyed the same positions in bed with her that you do.

    4. Don't always assume the worst but use your head. Were you always going after foreign women in your home country? Were you always being chased after by women from the wealthiest families in your country? IF the answer is NO then why would you think that that wealthiest women from any country would chase you? Don't be a dummy, most likely you cant even speak Indonesian which means that your girls probably talks with her Indo husband about how much she can get out of you all the while your sitting right next to her--don't laugh this happens more that what people think.

    5. If you really want to enjoy Indonesia then just have fun with the women--do not get serious--the divorce rate in Indonesia is high and marriages to bules almost always end in divorce, not all, but more than 70%! Follow this website and go out, don't waste money taking them to dinner, it is not appreciated, just go straight to the club and be timely with "uang taxi" when she is going home and you will get a good rep. Dont be cheap with the girls at the bars as they will tell everyone at the bar that you are "pelit" and no matter if you are Brad fucking Pitt, you will not be very popular, because, as stated before, money is what moves that girls hips not your stupid sweet talk--she cant understand what you are saying anyway.

    1. Exactly so. I am not that experienced in the region, but have been visiting and enjoying it for 10+ years, at least 3-4 times a year. And this is the perfect introduction that I wish I had read beforehand. Of course, no problems with learning on my own many mistakes, but nothing lethal. Just many wasted nights, dollars/euros and a few disappointments. Hangovers too, but thats another issue. However, the above comment is the essence of the right approach for a bule/farang to the whole SEA region. And the best way to really accept, enjoy and relax..

    2. Not all women are the same. What you're saying is from most of the provincial capital women, not from other small areas. There are still many Indonesian women who are more values and love, more than money even we are not from rich family 😊🙏🏻

  2. Words of wisdom, my man. Could not have done it better myself. Obviously, have the similar experiences and the same overview. But not that long, of course, or not yet. However, that should not spoil the fun, just has to be accepted as it is... Simple

  3. Who ever posted the advice above is 100% absolutely correct! Marriage between Bules and Indonesian women is almost always destined to fail. If you have met your Indonesian girlfriend in a bar then please do not marry them, you are asking for heartache and trouble. I have recently interviewed a number of Indonesians (women, marriage counselors and lawyers) and current as well as former expats about marriage to Indonesian women and the results are not only heartbreaking but they are tragic. Two of the expat subjects that were part of my interviews over the past five years are now dead, these were men who had successful careers prior to marriage. Another three of the men I have interviewed lost a good deal of their life savings are now raising children alone and in one case have had to resort to sending the children to local schools all while their dear mother has abandoned them so she could run off with another bule to Bali and get married again. The only communication these children have had with their mother is when she sent them a photo of her new engagement ring. The findings from my interviews will be published in an online book that will be announced closer to publication. However, in short, many of the stories include buying a home in the kampung for the parents, having to purchase brand name handbags along with numerous plastic surgeries and salon treatments that if added up could easily be more than a new home. This website paints these women as they truly are and I have found that many expats who end up these unions have only themselves to blame. If your Indonesian girlfriend associates with other gold digging whores, what do you think she is?? One of the interviewees is an Indonesian lawyer in Jakarta, her statement to me was this: "After handling numerous divorces between Indonesian women and foreigners it is very clear that unless they both have a similar level of education, income and shared experiences in their background then the marriage will end in divorce and the foreigner will have no one to blame but himself. In almost every divorce the women tell me if they really wanted to marry for love, they would have married an Indonesian man but the bule men have more money."