10 Signs Your Indonesian Girl Is Cheating On You

By Marc, a teacher who lived 5 years in Jakarta.

You are an expat living in Jakarta involved in a relationship with an Indonesian girl? Are you wondering how serious she is with you? We know that the bar scene in Indonesia is very adventurous, and though it is easy to meet a decent girl, you may also end up with someone whose only interest is to suck you dry.

Ayam, man-eaters, etc.. There are a lot of expressions to designate these girls but my favourite term is "Professional Girlfriend": Her job, the one activity that earns her revenue, is to be your girlfriend, or to make you believe she is. And they are great at it because they are pros.

There are some easy things to spot in her behaviour that will help you guess if she's faking the whole thing or not. I listed 10 of them and I hope they will help you realize if yours is on the game or not:

1) You met your girlfriend in a bar in Jakarta: To be honest, if it was a massage parlour, a club in Kota, a bar in Blok M, or a karaoke, there is a 99% chance she is a fake. All girls there will be after your money. Your only chance is that she was in such a place by accident, but that never really happens.

2) Your Indonesian girlfriend protects her phone in an abnormal manner. My ex (which I found out was cheating) was behaving very strangely with her phone: First, the screen was locked with a password. It meant that if she wanted to call someone, she had to type a password first... a real pain in the ass don't you think? Then, wherever she would go, she would always, always take her phone with her: In the toilet, in the shower, in the kitchen... She would never forget it, and if she did, she would come back in a hurry to get it, and she would ask me, worried: Did you take a look at my phone? Clearly, I understand the concept of privacy, but such behaviour is a clear indicator that your Indonesian girl is hiding something.


3) She, who once cheated, will cheat again. If you believe that, then you can ask her about the previous men she was dating. I remember my ex was very confuse about it: She was telling me about her Dutch guy with whom she had been for 3 years, her American guy she had dated for 2 and a half year, her German guy that she had loved for 4 years, etc. She was only 24, but she had had lots of relationships, and long ones. The secret for that, I discovered, was that all of them were dated during the same period of 3 years, at the same time. Don't expect a girl who did that kind of cheating to be nicer with you!

4) She lies all the time to you and to other people. The reason for that is simple: It's hard to be deceptive, and when someone's life is a lie, he cannot always find good excuses for everything. She cannot keep track of all the lies she is saying because it is not possible for a normal human being. Normal girls don't lie because they don't have to and if you indo girlfriend is lying to you; it means that she is not behaving normally. This is not something you want.
Be strict with her: First lie and she's out.

5) Another sign that can help you see if the girl you are dating is having multiple boyfriends: She refuses to talk to you about problems that make her mad/sad/depressed. Usually, she will say she has "problems at home", but don't take her word too seriously: Chances are she is angry because one of the expats she is dating stopped sending her money, or because she fought with her Indonesian guy.

6) When you meet your girlfriend's friends, you realize that all of them have a rich expat boyfriend, and most of them are cheating on him. When you talk about this to your girl, she demonstrates full support for her friends, and you even feel that she thinks it's normal. She will tell you that you are different, because your love is so special, etc.. Be smart and ask yourself if this is the kind of world you want to live in.

7) The sex part is tricky: It is very easy for a girl to fake orgasm, or at least pleasure. Also, it won't be difficult for her to make you believe she is attracted to you physically and that she enjoys having sex. I don't think you should put to much emphasis on it, but still, if you have the feeling that for her having sex with you is a chore, you are right to be suspicious. You may also see that she uses sex to get things from you or to make you forgive her. This is never a very good sign of a healthy relationship...


8) You feel in your gut that something is wrong. This is the most important sign of all. You feel that your Indonesian girl is not being faithful, for tons of reasons that adds up. You may be in love and you are doing everything you can to believe her lies, but it actually makes you feel down to think you can be that stupid. There are no reasons to feel ashamed because you love someone, even a bargirl/prostitute, but at one point, you need to protect yourself from your girlfriend because miracles don't happen: Trust your instinct, and make a courageous decision.

9) She is extremely jealous, and I mean jealous like crazy. She doesn't trust you one bit, and never gives you any freedom when you want to go out with your friends in bars or night clubs. Once again, it's not hard to understand her behaviour: How can you trust someone when you cannot be trusted?

10) She doesn't give a damn about you: She misses many of your calls, she does not reply to your emails, or she does not try to gain your trust... You feel you are giving her all the time but you don't get anything in return except sex once in a while (if she sees you're angry). This is not a normal relationship, stop listening to all her bullshit about love, and make an objective analysis of your relationship with her: Is this woman making you happy? What does she like about you exactly that other expats don't have? Do you feel that she values you?

Jakarta is a decadent city: Male expats cheat on their wife and they end up with local Indonesian women who cheat on them too. After 5 years leaving in Jakarta, I think I’ve heard 100 hundred of these stories. It is very common for anyone familiar with Jakarta nightlife. Prostitutes are not a precise category of the population like in Europe: Things are more complicated: In any given night club in Jakarta, you will meet many girls who will be ready to sleep with you without giving too much thought about whether they like you or not: You are an expat, presumably rich, and they know they may get what she wants later. Those “prostitutes” do not look like hookers: They are young, cute, and they seem so nice that it is hard to imagine what is behind their smiles: That doesn’t mean you should stop enjoying your time in Jakarta: If the sex with her is good and you are not emotionally attached, I say don't pay too much attention to it, but then protect yourself and do not fall in love. However, if you are looking for a serious partner, then do not tolerate a relationship based on mistrust and lies.

This is not an exhaustive list of all the signs that can exist showing your Indonesian girlfriend is cheating on you. If you have experienced or observed on other expat/bargirl couples some behaviours that could help other readers determine how sincere their relationship is, please feel free to share with us!

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Dating Indonesian Girls Living in Indonesia