Browsing "Older Posts"

Browsing Category " Dating Advices "

Online Dating Sites & Apps In Indonesia (2017)

By Thibaud (Jakarta100bars) →
I once wrote a review about dating Indonesian girls and where to meet them. You can still read it here: Where to meet Indonesian girls? Most of the information on the review is still valid, but it certainly needs an update on the world of online dating through websites or social apps such as Badoo, Indonesian Cupid, Tinder, WeChat, Skout, Beetalk, etc.

If you are looking for a great girl in Jakarta, online dating is by far your best chance. 90% of the girls there are looking for a stable relationship. Another 9% is looking for money. And maybe less than 1 percent is looking for a one night stand (not the hottest girls usually). The fact that they are looking for a stable relationship does not mean they want to get married straight away. It means they want to feel a long term relationship is possible. For this reason, it may be more difficult for you to find a date if you are not staying in Indonesia and if you do not speak Indonesian.

Depending on which website or which app you use, you can pretty much chat with any type of women you could think of: Students, employees, executives, single mom, etc from any ethnicity or religion. There is such a diversity that it would be hard to generalize. To give you a better understanding, I will describe the specificities of each dating app or website below:

Tinder (Mobile app only)
When Tinder started in Indonesia, most of its users where either foreign or Western educated girls. Its base has now expanded, but it is still the most trendy app to use. For this reason, this is where you will meet the most girls who can speak English and who have well-paid jobs. This is also where the most girls are interested to meet foreigners.

➝ Almost entirely free
➝ Easy to get several matches every day
➝ Thousands of Indonesian girls are using it, including many educated ones
➝ Not too many spam accounts or prostitutes or ladyboys

➝ I find it difficult to manage once you have more than 100 matches
➝ You cannot see which girls are online
➝ You cannot chat with a girl if you haven't matched with her already
➝ You cannot like more than 50 girls per day (or you must pay)
➝ You must connect using your Facebook information and pics (your friends on Facebook who are using Tinder will know that you are also a user)
➝ You can only see girls around you (unless you pay). If you stay abroad, this means you cannot chat with any girl in Jakarta before you arrive.
➝ Generally speaking, girls on Tinder love to swipe but they aren't very good at sending or replying to messages (website)

Indonesia Cupid is more traditional dating website which is part of a wider network: FilipinoCupid, Muslima (for dating Muslim girls), Thai Cupid, Vietnam Cupid, etc. It is an excellent site for those who are not in Indonesia but who are interested to chat with local girls.

Many Indonesian girls on IndonesianCupid are looking to meet foreigners and they won't turn you down if you say you are far away. The demographic of IndonesianCupid is more middle class compared with Tinder. Typically, you'll chat with employees, teachers, nurses, etc.

Since it is a website and not a mobile phone app, I find it much easier to write messages or browse profiles compared to Tinder. Even if you use it for a month or two, it is still easy to see which girls are online among those you've chatted with before.

You can register here: Sign-Up to Indonesian Cupid for Free. I recommend you to update to the premium version though (only 25$ per month) as it will allow you to send an unlimited number of messages. It will also give you the edge compared with the other guys in terms of visibility.

➝ Between 500-1000 Indonesian girls online at any time, but thousands more who were active in the past week or month (you have filters to do that).
➝ Possibility to look for girls in other countries (Thailand, Philippines, etc)
➝ Good website interface, easy to use and fast.
➝ Fast chatting application
➝ Mostly serious girls who are interested in relationships
➝ Detailed profiles

➝ The free version is too restricted (not a problem if you can afford 25$)
➝ No mobile app
➝ Many girls have limited English proficiency (especially outside Jakarta)

Badoo (Mobile app and website)
Badoo used to be the best dating website in Indonesia but it is clearly not as popular as it used to be. It still has a large number of users though: I checked on 15 December 2016 at 7pm and there were 522 women online in Jakarta (vs 537 on Indonesian Cupid). They also have a mobile app (called "Hot or Not"). 

Badoo attracts 99,9% of Indonesian girls, from all background. You can filter girls by age, location, status, body type, etc. More than half the girls can speak English and many are interested to meet foreigners. Online prostitution on Badoo is unfortunately a problem. Many "girls" on Badoo are in fact pimp looking for clients.

➝ Lots of girls online
➝ Fun, colorful website interface with large photos (but also more slow to load)
➝ Both a website and an app with geo-localization
➝ You can send messages to 5 girls per day for free and you "like" as many as you want
➝ Cheaper than other websites

➝ Privacy concern (they sent advertising emails to all my contact on my behalf saying I was inviting them to join Badoo)
➝ Many prostitutes
➝ Because it is cheaper, there are more guys on Badoo. This means it is harder to get girls' attention and your messages may be ignored. You can get seen/read before other guys but you need to pay extra money (even if you are already a premium user).

Yes, Instagram can be considered a dating website in Indonesia. I know some guys who've met dozens of girls using it.

Of course, you need to create an Instagram account and to upload interesting pictures regularly. If you are an expat who visits nice restaurants and hotels, it shouldn't be too hard to add at least a great photo every two days.

You can then follow some Instagram accounts of girls you like and write comments on their pictures.

➝ Free
➝ There are more girls on Instagram than on any other dating websites (especially in Indonesia)
➝ You can search for girls who have special interests using the location or tags (for instance, if you want to find a girl who went to the Djakarta Warehouse Festival, you can search the tag "DWP 2016").
➝ It is easy to find a topic to start a conversation (just comment a photo)

➝ You need to create and maintain an interesting Instagram account
➝ Many girls are not single or not actively looking for a boyfriend
➝ Time consuming

WeChat (Mobile app only)
WeChat has a "look around" feature which allows you to add girls located within a few kilometers from you. If they accept your invitation, you can start chatting with them.

Many ladyboys and prostitutes use that feature so it can be quite annoying if this is not what you are looking for. You will also probably receive a lot of invitations from other guys. Girls using this feature do not always speak English very well. It is popular with the Chinese community but your chances of getting a reply is low unless you speak Chinese.

➝ Free
➝ Location based

➝ I don't think you can meet a normal girl using it.

Beetalk (Mobile app only)
Beetalk users are mostly Indonesian and young. It has a "look around" feature as well which is quite invasive as it tells you the exact position of the people around you. If you use it in popular malls like Grand Indonesia or Central Park, it will probably tell you a list of person within a very close range, sometimes a few meters only.

Few girls using Beetalk speak good English so it is more appropriate for those with a basic knowledge of Indonesian. It is a good app but not the most effective for foreigners.

➝ Free
➝ Location based
➝ No competition from other Westerners

➝ Very few girls who can speak English

➝ Not many replies from girls

Skout (Mobile app and dating site)
Skout is similar to Badoo but it does not have as many girls online. The ads are quite annoying so I didn't like using it. 

Tagged / Hi5 (Mobile app and website)
Tagged and Hi5 are the same service since they merged in 2011. It used to be one of the most popular social networks in Indonesia but it is struggling now. It is still a relatively interesting website to try as the number of Indonesian users is quite large. I would say that girls on Tagged are usually a bit older: They made their Hi5 account 10 years ago and they haven't closed it yet.

Adult Friend Finder
This is a paying hook-up website popular with swingers and those looking for one-night stands. I never used it but a friend of mine did and he met several open-minded couples. He also managed to meet a few single girls but it is more rare.

Note that the website is currently blocked by the government so you'll need to download a VPN to access it. I've written an article here Best VPN in Indonesia to help you with it.

➝ If you are not looking for dating but for sex, this is the best website to use
➝ Number 1 hooking website in the World

➝ 90% guys and 10% girls so you need to make a really neat profile to succeed. Being handsome would help.
➝ You won't get very far with the Free Version so you'll need to buy a premium membership

➝ Block in Indonesia: You must use a VPN to access it freely.

All these dating apps and websites are free but you have to pay if you want to get some VIP features. For instance, becoming a paid member will generally entitle you to send more messages, to see who clicked on your profile or to be seen first by girls.

There are probably some scammers too so you should naturally always make sure the person you are talking to is real. I would recommend asking for the girl's facebook or skype.

There are other services that I haven't tried but they might work well. If you have used one of the following to find a date in Jakarta, it would be nice if you could write a comment about it below:

OK Cupid: Popular dating website (same group with and Tinder) but I don't think it is available in Indonesia at this moment.

Zoosk: One of the most popular dating apps in the world but I read some negative reviews about their privacy policy so I did not want to try it. Very popular social media in Indonesia, mostly with the younger crowd. It is not a real dating website but it is used as such by many Indonesians to make friends or get a date.

Wavoo is an Indonesian dating app which just started. It does not have a very large database of users at the moment.

Setipe is an Indonesian dating website which could be promising but it is still new and I encountered some problems to register.

Photo Credit: The photos are from Kucluk Oye.

Is It Better to Date a Javanese or a Sundanese Girl?

By Thibaud (Jakarta100bars) →
Until today, I had never dared writing an article about ethnicity in Indonesia. I didn't want to appear racist and also because my knowledge on the subject is limited. As I'm growing older I start to care less, so here I am giving you advice on whether it is best to date/marry a Javanese or a Sundanese girl.

Be aware that I am basing this whole piece on personal experience only. This is not a scientific paper, it's just entertainment. You may have a completely different opinion and I would love to hear it (especially if you are an Indonesian reader). Please just write a comment below.

The two main ethnic groups in Indonesia are the Javanese (90 million people, 40% of the population) and the Sundanese (36 million people, 15.5% of the population). Both have distinct traditions, languages, cultures and cuisines. Javanese live mostly in East Java (Yogyakarta, Surabaya) while Sundanese are from the Bandung region.

In Jakarta, most of the girls you meet will be either Javanese or Sundanese. It is also common to come across Bataknese (Medan), Betawi (pure Jakarta), Indonesian-Chinese, Manadonese (Manado) and Makassarese (Makassar). In Bali, apart from Balinese, you will see more Madurese (Madura) and ethnicities from Eastern Indonesia (Flores, Timur, Maluku).

Most expats don't really care about that and they consider it's pretty much all the same. On the contrary, Indonesians like to point at the differences between the people of each provinces. They will give specific traits to some ethnicities, negative or positive, and based on these stereotypes they might deem that some mixed "race" couples are not desirable. For instance, a persistent myth among Indonesians is that a couple between a Javanese men and a Sundanese women cannot work well.

For better understanding, let's review what are the stereotypes about the three main Indonesian ethnical groups:

The Sundanese Character:
Sundanese Model Melli Voo
What Indonesians say:
Sundanese are considered soft and easy-going. It is said that due to their welcoming nature, the penetration of Islam among them was faster and easier compared to the Javanese. For this reason, they are overall more religious compared to the Javanese.

Some will say that they lack ambition and they are not willing to live far from their home. One of the consequences is that there are less of them in top jobs and positions. Among ministers or ex-presidents of Indonesia, very few were Sundanese.

Sundanese girls are often called the most beautiful women in Indonesia, mainly because of their lighter skin color.

If you date a Sundanese, you might experience a surge in your monthly expenses. Sundanese girls love to spend on clothes, cellphones, laptops, shoes, beauty products and entertainment. Such gifts are expected as a part of the relationship and it is sometimes hard to know how sincere the love is.

Sundanese girls are sometimes criticized for behaving like divas: High maintenance, spoiled, overly dramatic and proud of their appearance. It seems they are aware of their value and they know how to get the best from it.

My personal experience:
Regarding the beauty of Sundanese girl: They are indeed pretty but I prefer Manadonese (because they look a bit like Filipinas). Girls in Malang are also just as attractive.

About their open mindset, Sundanese are hospitable like anywhere in Indonesia. I didn't notice any differences staying in Bandung or Surabaya. I also don't feel they are less ambitious than other Indonesians.

Regarding the materialistic mindset of Sundanese girls: I found it to be generally true, with several exceptions though. You must differentiate educated girls from Bandung's middle and upper class with countryside girls from Indramayu. Girls from poorer background may be expected by their families to marry with someone who will take care of them. Those girls are usually popular among Indonesian men and expats so they have a wide range of option. Naturally, they will not choose the stingy ones. Beauty in Indonesia often comes with at a price and I've learned to be careful with gorgeous Sundanese. I normally avoid them.

The Javanese Character:
Miss Indonesia 2015 - Maria Harfanti - is Javanese
What Indonesians say:
Javanese are often characterized with the "nrimo" concept of life, which means accepting your fate by seeing the bright side of it. For instance, if you cannot afford a car, you will think that walking keeps you healthy. As a result, Javanese are said to be obedient and submissive. They are also avoiding conflicting situations, preferring to keep their feelings to themselves rather than expressing them.

My personal experience:
My relationships/dates with Javanese girls have been more successful than those with Sundanese girls. I've never really noticed that they were more submissive, but they were less money-oriented and less childish.

Expats with passive-aggressive and shy personalities may feel more comfortable with a Javanese girlfriend.

The Batak Character:
Zivanna Letisha Siregar is half Batak
What Indonesians say:
Bataknese have quite a unique reputation in Indonesia. Because Dutch set up missionary schools early in the 20th century around the Lake Toba area, many Batak were able to get a good education, sometimes in Holland, and then high positions in the government. Until today, they occupy many prestigious jobs (lawyers, engineers, doctors, etc) and they are seen as a smart ethnic group.

For centuries, they were living isolated in the mountains, and therefore they developed a strong character. They are tough to negotiate with, feisty and they like to stay between themselves.

My personal experience:
I've met quite a lot of Batak, men and women, while I was in Indonesia. As far as I can tell, the stereotypes about them are rather true. The two Indonesian lawyers I ever dealt with were Batak, and they were tough and uncompromising. My first Indonesian girlfriend was also a Batak and our relationship was mostly fights and screams. Most of her friends were also Batak.

Overall: Is It Better to Date/Marry a Javanese, Sundanese or Batak Girl?
As I mentioned, I've had better experiences with Javanese girls, but there are more factors at play than just the ethnicity. My feeling is that the socioeconomic and the education background is what matters the most. You may also feel more attracted to certain personality traits as well. Among expats, I noticed that many are dating or marrying Batak girls. They may enjoy their outspoken and confident personality which is more similar to that of a Western girl. In my case however, I tend to avoid them because I prefer someone quiet and easy-going.

10 Types of Indonesian Girls Who Never Date Foreigners (and How to Date Them)

By Thibaud (Jakarta100bars) →
If you think that as an expat in Indonesia you can be with any girls you want, you're wrong. Many of them would never date a foreigner for a whole variety of reasons.

As I love to do some generalizing and stereotyping, I've listed below 10 types of Indonesian girls who never date foreigners and what you can do to date them nonetheless.
Why would some girls refuse to date foreigners?

The Ones Who Don't Want To Have Sex Before Marriage
2014 study from the Pew Research Center found that 97% of Indonesians considered pre-marital sex to be morally unacceptable. On the other end of the spectrum, only 6% of French agreed with that statement.

The 2010 Greater Jakarta Transition to Adulthood Survey asked 3,006 Indonesians between 20 and 34 years old about their sexual activity. 5% of women had had pre-marital sex and 16% of men.

Let me rephrase: Only 5% of unmarried Indonesian women between 20 and 34 living in Greater Jakarta were sexually active in 2010.

Since the population in the area is so large, it still represents over 300,000 girls. The 6,700,000 remaining girls will most likely not date foreigners as few of them can accept a sexless relationship.

How to date them:

The Ones Who Are More Attracted to Indonesian Men and Culture
Many Indonesian girls just prefer the Indonesian type of men. Not everyone is a fan of our hairy legs and big nose. They also feel more connected with someone with the same background, the same culture, the same values and the same objectives. They will like typical Indonesian traits better.

I also think that if you grow up watching local actors, singers or models, you will probably want a boyfriend who look like them and behave like them.

How to date them:
Shave, groom well and immerse yourself in Indonesian culture (i.e. watch sinetrons).

The Ones Who Think the Choice of Foreigners is Too Poor
I met a few girls who don't date Jakarta expats and I don't blame them. They find the choice of good guys available to be poor. As a friend explained me, most serious expats are married or in a relationship. Among the ones available for dating, very few actually want any kind of commitment.

She also feels the pool of expats is so small that it seems everyone knows each other.

How to date them:
Tell them you "just arrived" in Jakarta and criticize the behaviour of other expats.

The Ones Who Are Afraid of What Society Might Think
When an Indonesian girl is dating a foreigner, it's just as if she was wearing a big sign saying "I'm not a virgin anymore".

Indonesians are obsessed with virginity. To work in the Police or the Military, women must pass a virginity test. Inspector General Moechgiyarto justified it saying that girls who are not virgins might be "prostitutes". The equation non-virgin equates prostitutes is deeply entrenched in the Indonesian psyche unfortunately.

Many Indonesian girls who date foreigners complain that they are called names when walking the street with their foreign boyfriends, or that they must face derogatory comments. Considering this, I can really understand why some girls would avoid dating expats.

How to date them:
Don't flirt with them in public. Take their numbers and chat with them through Line or WhatsApp.

The Ones Who Are Conventional
The Indonesian society is conservative. Most people are told from an early age about what should happen to them in the future and they stick to the plan. For instance, their is a huge consensus among Indonesians that husbands are the head of the household and that the wives should serve them (over 95% - see page 30 here).

Dating or marrying a foreigner is rarely part of this narrative. It is an abnormality on many levels that require some thinking outside the box. For this reason, some Indonesian girls may feel that they should date an Indonesian guy because it is natural and less complicated.

How to date them:
Wait until they get a reality check. Among Indonesian girls who date foreigners, many used to be conventional. They "switched" to bules because they became disappointed with the narrative they were served when they were younger.

The Ones Who Are High Maintenance
Many Indonesian girls expect that their boyfriend will provide for them. I had a Sundanese girlfriend for several years and all her friends were getting some benefits from their respective boyfriends. Some would get a monthly allowance, pulsa on requests, or nice gifts like phones, clothes, perfumes and trips to Bali. A few were even getting cars and nice apartments in downtown Jakarta (those who were dating married men).

If you look closely, the most beautiful Indonesian girls are rarely dating foreigners because they know that most of them would never pay for those things.

How to date them:
Work harder and make more money.

The Ones Who Only Date Muslims
The law regarding interfaith marriage in Indonesia is complicated. As of today, the Indonesian Office of Religious Affairs forbids Muslims to marry people from different faith but allows it for Catholics, Protestants, Buddhists and Hindus.

It is therefore quite natural for a girl who is a devout Muslim to look for a companion of the same faith so that she can actually marry him. She will feel that there is no point in dating someone who does not share the same religious beliefs.

How to date them:
Convert to Islam.

The Ones Who Only Date Indo-Chinese
Rich Indonesian-Chinese girls are probably the hardest to date in Jakarta. They are very careful about their image in their community and they wouldn't ruin their reputation for a random guy. They will choose a boyfriend who will give them a better status.

They also tend to summarize some of the points mentioned above: Many will stay virgin until marriage and they are high-maintenance.

This is also true about the top 5% Indonesian political elite. Its members will often marry within that small community with motivations that are related to status more than love.

How to date them:
Mingle with the Indo-Chinese community and become accepted. Once you belong, you will date any girl easily. Avoid being poor though.

The Ones Who Don't Dare
Many Indonesian girls do not dare dating foreigners because they are shy. Most often, they cannot speak English and feel embarrassed. They don't know the codes of dating someone from another culture: What to say, what to do, how to behave, etc. The fear of being judged is often greater than the fear of death in Indonesia.

Some may also feel they are not "worthy". Surprisingly, some girls who have a whiter skin think they won't be attractive to an expat who, they heard, prefer tanned skins (or this might be another case of humble bragging).

How to date them:
Learn Indonesian. It's the easiest language in the world you have no excuses. Smile all the time and repeat "tidak apa apa".

The Ones Who Only Date Friends
Some Indonesian girls, particularly the younger ones in their late teens will only date guys from within their group of friends. They stick to the same closed group when they party, they do not use dating sites and they politely turn down any outsider trying to flirt with them. They will see a relationship with a foreigner as a threat to their belonging to the group.

How to date them:
You need approval from the whole group of friends. Or you wait until they grow up and start to think for themselves (it usually happens after they graduate and start working).

Dating Indonesian Men: 5 Tips to Expat Women

By Thibaud (Jakarta100bars) →
By Simone Roberts, an Expat woman living in Bali, author of the blog

Moving to Indonesia alone and/or especially as a woman can be a daunting experience, but if you are prepared and educated about what to expect then you will be able to surround yourself with good, decent people. You will be able to find long, lasting relationships and spare yourself a lot of heartache and disappointment. Here are my 5 tips on finding love in Indonesia.

1. Be Understanding
Relationships are hard, mixed race relationships are harder. In mixed relationships you will find your fair share of cultural differences, and there will be times when compromise just seems near impossible. 

The secret to a lasting happy connection is a willingness from both parties to want to understand each other. Take the time to talk to one another, listen closely and don’t assert dominance (as either a man or woman) as it just won’t work. 

When starting a new relationship with an Indonesian man is best to be aware of where they came from and what customs are important to them too. For example the Balinese are very family orientated and if you expect to marry a Balinese man you might just end up playing house with the mother in law. 

2. Be Honest
You must make it a point to be aware of what is expected in the relationship. Indonesian men can be very sensitive people when it comes to matters of the heart. So if it’s a holiday fling or a ‘just for fun relationship’ you’re after make sure that the other person is aware of this. You might not think it is necessary, but it’s the best way to prevent it from getting messy down the track.

Also everyone knows that the male race is famous for not showing public displays of emotion. This too is the case in Indonesia, with the exception being the freedom of expression on facebook.  Expect it to be an all or nothing approach. Try to create a trusting and honest relationship so that the airing of your dirty laundry will be kept to a minimum. I cannot stress it enough, from the very beginning be honest.

3. Be aware
It is most essential that you as a non-Indonesian keep your wits about you as well, when you start playing the dating game. There are many playboys and playgirls out there that are ruining it for the good ones. Horror stories are aplenty of local men and women getting into relationships with foreigners just for the money and status.
4. Be 'prepared'
For most everyday Indonesians, sex is a taboo topic and sex education is not taught enough in schools. This is because generally men and women are not allowed to live with one another until they are married. Indonesian modern society just tends to turn a blind eye in favour of us foreigners, mainly in places like Bali and Jakarta. It also goes without saying remember to be prepared, especially if you are holidaying/working in Bali. STIs are common here as the waves of tourists come and go. 

5. Be the housewife…sometimes
From my experience as an expat but more so as a woman in Indonesia, money is also taboo topic. Let me re-phrase that, never talk with your partner about how much you make. Society dictates that men are the breadwinners in Indonesia and if your male partner cannot at least provide some financial security for you, he will lose face completely. Try suggesting to eat at warungs and local cafés to your partner so that you can try the local cuisine. That way he can pay for you and keep his pride intact.

Ultimately starting a relationship with an Indonesian man is a lot of fun; you will see the country in a new light and will be able to gain many more experiences. In order to make your relationship work with that special someone from Indonesia just remember to be prepared, be educated and be willing to understand one another.

Find more insights into the daily lives of Indonesians and more over at Simone’s blog or stay tuned as she will be writing more for us here at Jakarta100bars. 

What Indonesian Bar Girls Say And What They Really Mean

By Thibaud (Jakarta100bars) →
10 years in Indonesia have taught me that even when Indonesian bar girls speak English, what they mean is not always obvious. Here is a little guide to help you dealing with your relationships!

What they say: 'You are over protective'
What they mean: 'You don't let me sleep with other guys'

You are stingy
You don't want to support all my family

I'm not eating pork
I drink alcohol, I don't pray and I've had sex before marriage so the last thing that keeps me from going to hell is to refuse eating pork

Let's go party
Accompany me party and please pay for all my drinks

Come party with me and my girls
Accompany us party and please pay for all our drinks

I've been to Bats only a few times
I'm a regular of Bats

I need money to pay for my school
I want the Samsung Galaxy S5!!!

I've lost my phone!
I sold my phone, please buy me a new one

I wish I had a mixed baby
I am not using any contraceptive

You have to understand me
That guy was so hot, sorry I cheated

You have to respect my religion
You have to convert to Islam

He is just my friend!
He is a one night stand

I met him in the club
We slept together

Your friend is nice
I would do him

I always use condom
I have used condom once

She is my sister
She is a friend

She is my best friend
She is a friend

She is my cousin
She is a friend

She is a friend
I don't really like her

She/he is a Facebook friend
I have no idea who that is

I like photography
I take a selfie every 5 minutes

I don't like Jews
I don't know what a Jew is

I don't like politics
I've never opened a newspaper

I saw it on the news
I saw it on infotainment

I've read about it
I saw a post on Facebook

I have Path, Twitter and Facebook
I spend 15 hours a day posting updates on my smartphone

I will have dinner with my girlfriends
We will spend 2 hours at the same table playing with our phones and taking pictures of food

I'll meet you at 8pm
I will leave from my place at 8pm

I'm working freelance
I am a freelance prostitute

I'm working as a part-time model
I have modeled twice in my life

I'm working in Marketing
I am a pretty girl who distributes flyers

I don't like that friend of yours
You are not allowed to have any friends

We can eat anywhere
We can eat anywhere as long as there is rice on the menu

You can try, it's not spicy
I only put 2 tablespoons of chili sauce

I will just eat a small snack
I will eat a half kilo of banana fritters

I've been to Bali many times
I've been to Kuta many times

I like to listen to Jazz
I like cheesy pop songs

I love you
You are nice with me

I love you so much
You just bought me a present

I hate you
You are 5 minutes late

I'm happy
I received a good news 5 minutes ago

I'm unhappy
I received a bad news 5 minutes ago

You can go party with your friends
I will kill you when you get home

What Do Indonesian Girls Look Like?

By Thibaud (Jakarta100bars) →

Some of the readers of this blog have never been to Indonesia. They are preparing a business trip or an expatriation here and they wonder about the nightlife in Jakarta. Surprisingly, the first question men ask me usually before arriving is not about their housing, their kid's school or the number of medical facilities.

No, the question I get the most is this one: "Are the Indonesian girls pretty?"

Western people can rarely differentiate two Asian girls: Ask anybody in Europe what is the difference between a Thai girl and a Korean girl, I bet you they will not be able to answer that. Yet, after many years spent in Indonesia, I can proudly say that I will recognize an Indonesian girl very easily, and if I'm wrong it will mean the girl is from Malaysia.

Malay-Indo girls are very different from other Asian girls: Apart from the long black hair and the tiny body, they are easy to recognize for many reasons that are hard to explain: It's a combination of different elements, but to sum up, I would say that on average Indonesian girls have a darker skin, larger eyes, thicker eyebrows, a small nose and a fantastic smile.

There are different kind of Indonesian girls of course, and I will give an example of the most typical girls you have a good chance to meet:

The Jilbab girl: (Photo Credit: Rikie Rizza)
Except in Jakarta and in Christian or Hindu areas, the Jilbab is a very common sight in Indonesia. If you go in the country's provinces, at least 1/3rd of the girls will use one. There, girls usually hide skin from their bodies too by wearing jeans and long sleeves shirts. The jilbab is coulorful most of the time, but do not let us see any hair.

In Jakarta, girls are more liberal. The typical middle class girl is 1m60, slim but not skinny, and she wears jeans + a T-shirt that covers a shoulders. Since there are so many counterfeit products, it is not surprising to see girls carrying a Louis Vuitton. In malls like Mangga Dua Square or in the buses, you will see a lot of them, looking simple, but pretty (Photo Credit: Moriza):

In the bars and nightclubs, there are a few broad types of girls:

The fashionistas/models/selebriti/socialites and all the girls who wish they were like them. You will meet them in X2 or Dragonfly. Many are half Chinese or mixed expat/indo, and you will see their skin is whiter than other Indonesian girls. The great thing with Jakarta is that you actually have a window of opportunity to date models and actresses, even if you are a very average man. Many reasons can explain why Indonesian girls like so much being with expats, but one thing is sure, if you are decent looking, you stand a chance with everyone in Jakarta. Those girls may look like these:

You also have in this category the upper class clubbing girl: Very sexy but never trashy, perfect make-up and hairdo (Photo Credit: Thanks John)

The bargirls are different in the South (Blok M and the 5-stars hotels bar) and the North (Stadium, etc): In the South, they are trying a bit too hard to be sexy and they tend to show off with expensive accessories their boyfriends bought them. It will sound like a cliché but it's true: 90% of them smoke Menthol cigarettes. In the north, they often have a black (or at least a unicolor) mini-skirt, whitening cream on the face, and maybe a Nokia on their hands.

That would be mean to put some photos of girls here and imply they are prostitutes so I will let you imagine the picture. For the skirt, it's something like that (Photo Credit: Vabio Aurelio)

The Balinese girl, in my opinion, is a concept of its own: Balinese girls are very difficult to go out with compared to Javanese girls. They are not as sexy but they are exactly what we imagine the exotic girl is like (Photo Credit, for this photo plus the first one in the article: Sukandia).

The SPG (Sales Promotion Girl), and her friends the PR (Public Relations) and the GRO (Guest Relation Officer) are middle class, very cute girls who use their charms to promote whatever they are paid to promote (Photo Credit: Basi Banget):

At last, the Party Girl, especially in Jakarta, is a fun girl to hang out with, one you will not very long to fall in love with because she is beautiful and because she makes you feel alive:

Overall, girls in Indonesia are stunning and it's difficult not to fall in love quickly upon arrival. Actually I think this will be your main problem: Avoid falling in love too quickly, before you've got a clear understanding of how the relationships work in Indonesia.

I hope now you have a clearer idea of what do Indonesian girls look like. Of course each of them is unique, but I'm sure expats who've lived in Jakarta will agree that there is an Indo style.

Please, feel free to comment!

More picture: Check those articles: Top 20 FHM Models, 10 Sexiest Models and Actresses and Hot Indonesian Girls with Tattoos.

10 Signs Your Indonesian Girl Is Cheating On You

By Thibaud (Jakarta100bars) →

By Marc, a teacher who lived 5 years in Jakarta. You can read more tips about how to spot a cheating spouse by clicking here! :

You are an expat living in Jakarta involved in a relationship with an Indonesian girl? Are you wondering how serious she is with you? We know that the bar scene in Indonesia is very adventurous, and though it is easy to meet a decent girl, you may also end up with someone whose only interest is to suck you dry.

Ayam, man-eaters, etc.. There are a lot of expressions to designate these girls but my favourite term is "Professional Girlfriend": Her job, the one activity that earns her revenue, is to be your girlfriend, or to make you believe she is. And they are great at it because they are pros.

There are some easy things to spot in her behaviour that will help you guess if she's faking the whole thing or not. I listed 10 of them and I hope they will help you realize if yours is on the game or not:

1) You met your girlfriend in a bar in Jakarta: To be honest, if it was a massage parlour, a club in Kota, a bar in Blok M, or a karaoke, there is a 99% chance she is a fake. All girls there will be after your money. Your only chance is that she was in such a place by accident, but that never really happens.

2) Your Indonesian girlfriend protects her phone in an abnormal manner. My ex (which I found out was cheating) was behaving very strangely with her phone: First, the screen was locked with a password. It meant that if she wanted to call someone, she had to type a password first... a real pain in the ass don't you think? Then, wherever she would go, she would always, always take her phone with her: In the toilet, in the shower, in the kitchen... She would never forget it, and if she did, she would come back in a hurry to get it, and she would ask me, worried: Did you take a look at my phone? Clearly, I understand the concept of privacy, but such behaviour is a clear indicator that your Indonesian girl is hiding something.

3) She, who once cheated, will cheat again. If you believe that, then you can ask her about the previous men she was dating. I remember my ex was very confuse about it: She was telling me about her Dutch guy with whom she had been for 3 years, her American guy she had dated for 2 and a half year, her German guy that she had loved for 4 years, etc. She was only 24, but she had had lots of relationships, and long ones. The secret for that, I discovered, was that all of them were dated during the same period of 3 years, at the same time. Don't expect a girl who did that kind of cheating to be nicer with you!

4) She lies all the time to you and to other people. The reason for that is simple: It's hard to be deceptive, and when someone's life is a lie, he cannot always find good excuses for everything. She cannot keep track of all the lies she is saying because it is not possible for a normal human being. Normal girls don't lie because they don't have to and if you indo girlfriend is lying to you; it means that she is not behaving normally. This is not something you want.
Be strict with her: First lie and she's out.

5) Another sign that can help you see if the girl you are dating is having multiple boyfriends: She refuses to talk to you about problems that make her mad/sad/depressed. Usually, she will say she has "problems at home", but don't take her word too seriously: Chances are she is angry because one of the expats she is dating stopped sending her money, or because she fought with her Indonesian guy.

6) When you meet your girlfriend's friends, you realize that all of them have a rich expat boyfriend, and most of them are cheating on him. When you talk about this to your girl, she demonstrates full support for her friends, and you even feel that she thinks it's normal. She will tell you that you are different, because your love is so special, etc.. Be smart and ask yourself if this is the kind of world you want to live in.

7) The sex part is tricky: It is very easy for a girl to fake orgasm, or at least pleasure. Also, it won't be difficult for her to make you believe she is attracted to you physically and that she enjoys having sex. I don't think you should put to much emphasis on it, but still, if you have the feeling that for her having sex with you is a chore, you are right to be suspicious. You may also see that she uses sex to get things from you or to make you forgive her. This is never a very good sign of a healthy relationship...

8) You feel in your gut that something is wrong. This is the most important sign of all. You feel that your Indonesian girl is not being faithful, for tons of reasons that adds up. You may be in love and you are doing everything you can to believe her lies, but it actually makes you feel down to think you can be that stupid. There are no reasons to feel ashamed because you love someone, even a bargirl/prostitute, but at one point, you need to protect yourself from your girlfriend because miracles don't happen: Trust your instinct, and make a courageous decision.

9) She is extremely jealous, and I mean jealous like crazy. She doesn't trust you one bit, and never gives you any freedom when you want to go out with your friends in bars or night clubs. Once again, it's not hard to understand her behaviour: How can you trust someone when you cannot be trusted?

10) She doesn't give a damn about you: She misses many of your calls, she does not reply to your emails, or she does not try to gain your trust... You feel you are giving her all the time but you don't get anything in return except sex once in a while (if she sees you're angry). This is not a normal relationship, stop listening to all her bullshit about love, and make an objective analysis of your relationship with her: Is this woman making you happy? What does she like about you exactly that other expats don't have? Do you feel that she values you?

Jakarta is a decadent city: Male expats cheat on their wife and they end up with local Indonesian women who cheat on them too. After 5 years leaving in Jakarta, I think I’ve heard 100 hundred of these stories. It is very common for anyone familiar with Jakarta nightlife. Prostitutes are not a precise category of the population like in Europe: Things are more complicated: In any given night club in Jakarta, you will meet many girls who will be ready to sleep with you without giving too much thought about whether they like you or not: You are an expat, presumably rich, and they know they may get what she wants later. Those “prostitutes” do not look like hookers: They are young, cute, and they seem so nice that it is hard to imagine what is behind their smiles: That doesn’t mean you should stop enjoying your time in Jakarta: If the sex with her is good and you are not emotionally attached, I say don't pay too much attention to it, but then protect yourself and do not fall in love. However, if you are looking for a serious partner, then do not tolerate a relationship based on mistrust and lies.

This is not an exhaustive list of all the signs that can exist showing your Indonesian girlfriend is cheating on you. If you have experienced or observed on other expat/bargirl couples some behaviours that could help other readers determine how sincere their relationship is, please feel free to share with us!

Indonesian Girls & Expats: Why So Many Expats Will Start Cheating In Jakarta?

By The Jakarta Team →
You may have noticed, men seem quite happy in Indonesia. No matter how dumb and ugly they are, there will always be a fair number of pretty and hot girls gravitating around them. Add to that the expat compensation package, the maid, the driver and the cheap flights to Bali and you have everything a man could dream of: Big pay, no chores, hot girls.

On the contrary, life is hard on expat wives or worse, on single women. Thank God (or unfortunately) most of them don’t see what is happening behind their backs. Among the expats that I know, I can tell you that 90% of them, married or not, have had an affair or cheated on their girlfriends with an Indonesian girl at least once. The only ones that are faithful have stopped partying or, it exists, are absolutely, truly, deeply in love. It’s not just some old, fat pervert working in oil. The more often, it’s the good husband, with kids and family. I’ve been out partying for years in Jakarta, 5 days a week, and in each bar I went to, I met tons of them. Go to Bats, go to Red Square, go to Blok M, etc, etc, and you will see them, getting crazy on the dancefloor and enjoying their lives as they never do at home.Some will say that it’s just easier here with girls and I agree. But does it explain everything? My friends are handsome and cool; they could find girls to cheat with in France. They are rich too, they could pay prostitutes. I know they do it in Jakarta, but they would never do it in France. Why is that? Why do Expats start cheating their wives when they arrive in Jakarta? Is it specific to Jakarta?

I see 3 reasons for that:

- In Indonesia, many men can get girls that are way more attractive than what they could have had in their home countries. Not only more beautiful, the girls can be much younger too, and look much younger anyway. These girls are attracted to foreigners for various reasons: Financial stability, attraction for “white” people (and the perspective of having a mixed baby), and certainly also the desire to be with someone less conservative than most Indonesian men. As long as an expat is somewhat cute or nice, he will be popular among girls here in Jakarta, and for some of them, it means they will be able to date girls they are really fond of. When the guy is 40 years-old, just about to undergo a mid-life crisis, he is very fragile and it won’t take long before he thinks about what his life could be with a 25 year-old exotic beauty.

- The nightlife scene in Jakarta is a lot of fun and excitement. There are great nightclubs in European cities, but few are as open and diverse as the nightlife scene in Jakarta. When you are an expat in Jakarta, you rarely have to queue, you always get admitted, you are at the center of the attention, and you can afford booking a table and opening Champagne. This makes the whole experience much more enjoyable. Many people party a lot more here, and therefore meet a lot more new people. As an expat, there is also a good chance that you will be far from your family on many occasions, because your wife didn’t follow you, or if she did, she travels back home more often. These periods are extremely dangerous because guys will go out more, and they will have many opportunities to cheat. Much more than opportunities I will say temptations. Temptation is everywhere, beauty, young-ness, easy relationships…Difficult to resist.

- Traditional girls vs. Modern girls. Most people will tell you Indonesian girls are different. Their behaviours towards men are much more traditional and less independent than that of most foreign women. I think the authority of the man for instance is much more respected and it gives them the feeling of being in charge. The roles within the mixed couple are also more specific. Actually, they resemble those that were assigned to couples in Europe or the USA before the liberalization of women in the 70s. While we may regret that, many men feel uncomfortable with what they perceive as strong, independent, ambitious women. In Indonesia, they will meet girls that correspond more accurately to their ideas of the perfect wife. And once again, they may fall in love quickly.

These are the three main reasons which I think can explain why so many expats in Jakarta start cheating when they arrive in Jakarta. There might be a lot more explanations, but I just thought it was interesting to open the subject because I realized how crazy people become when they arrive here, and I’ve always wonder why this city can create such transformations on people.

The photo was taken from the blog of Erick Brown, which has more info about nightlife in Jakarta:

Expats Dating Indonesian Girls: 4 Hardships You Need To Overcome

By The Jakarta Team →
Expats dating Indonesian girls are numerous, and many will find that though certain aspects of their relationships are much easier than with a western girl, there are also some difficulties that men need to take seriously if they want to be successful. I listed the 4 main hardships expats have to overcome when dating an Indonesian girlfriend:

Money: Dealing with the gap in revenues between you and your Indonesian girlfriend is not an easy task. It may not be a problem at the beginning, but soon, some issues will appear: Who needs to pay for the restaurant? For the plane ticket to Bali when you go on holidays? How do you arrange her coming to your home country? Should you help her when she or a member of her family gets sick, and to what extent?The situation faced by many expats is that they don't mind paying, because they understand that the girl cannot afford some expenses that are clearly part of the "expat lifestyle". However, they do not want to be considered as cash cows or walking ATMs. The guy may also wonder if the girl is "interested", meaning that as soon as the money flow stops, the girl will walk away without any regrets.

To reach the perfect balance between giving money and being treated with respect, I would recommend you to follow a few rules:
- Pay for goods or services directly. Do not give cash.
- Even for small amounts, do not give the impressions that money isn't important for you. Always show that the act of buying something is a rationale decision, not an impulsive one. Make her understand that you worked hard for the money you earned.
- If she asks you money for her family, take the matter seriously. Visit them, and make sure that everyone is doing its share too, including all the relatives. If you find out she is lying to you, do not tolerate it and walk away from the relationship.
- Depending on her income, make sure you don't pay for everything, everywhere and never get anything in return. You should make her feel as if you paying is not an automatic thing.
- Control yourself: Adapt your lifestyle too and try to spend less than usual. It can be very uncomfortable for a girl to have everything paid for her, without being able to give something back. By going to less expensive restaurants, you give her the opportunity to treat you as well.
- Do not put her down and do not use the fact than she has less money than you to feel you are superior than her.

Religion: This is the second most important topic when dating an Indonesian girl because few of them will make a compromise about it. If you are catholic and no ready to adapt, then you will have some troubles finding an Indonesian girl who suits you. Even if she is not that religious, chances are her family is, and they will not tolerate anything but a Muslim wedding. If you find yourself in this kind of situation, I think you need to convince your girlfriend that the best you can do is "fake" the conversion to become Muslim in order to look good in front of her family, but keep your own religion without telling people except her. If you are not ready to do that, and if she doesn't understand it as well, then you should find a Christian or Hindu girl, they make up 10% of the Indonesian people so it's not that hard to find.

Age Gap: The age difference, quite common in expats/Indonesian girls’ couples, is less a problem than one could imagine. Dating older men for an Indonesian girl is not necessarily seen as a bad thing, because older men are deemed more adequate to provide girls with the security they need. Yet, the age difference may also be a difficulty because it adds to the incomprehension between the two partners. When you ask backpackers in Jalan Jaksa about the girls they sleep with, they will often tell you girls who are dating older men. Once again, you will have to be careful to respect her right to be young and to party/go out/etc. If you don't give her this freedom, she will take it behind your back anyway.

Cultural Differences: Different conceptions of love, of the role of men/women in a couple, etc..: This topic has often been debated on other websites and it is one of the most interesting when considering your relation with your girlfriend. Working out these differences will teach you a lot of valuable lessons and you will learn to understand another culture which is just as fascinating as yours. The thing you have to understand is: What does your girlfriend mean when she tells you "I love you". I don't believe love is universal. Western Love is a luxury that people can afford only after they've reached a certain level of security. But the "love" of an Indonesian girl is nonetheless quite interesting as well: It involves a lot of respect and expectations that are different. It will probably take you years to see how beautiful your relationship really is. Take the time and explore it!

Money, Religion, Age Gap and Cultural differences, these are the 4 main difficulties most expats have when dating a girl in Indonesia. What do you think about it? Do you see some issues not talked about here? Thanks a lot for commenting!

The photos were taken on Flickr.

How To Meet Girls in Jakarta?

By The Jakarta Team →

Meeting girls in Jakarta is easy, but surprisingly, meeting good girls can be quite hard. At first, most single expats men who arrive in the city are extremely satisfied with their new condition of sex symbol. But after a few months, they realize that most of the girls they go out with are not what they expected: Very often, they lie, cheat, party a lot, take drugs, cannot commit, and are way too materialistic. This is a very dark picture, but many of you will have recognized a past or present situation, maybe not as ugly but similar.

News 2015: This article is still valid but since I wrote it, online dating has become huge. Check my guide: Online dating websites and Apps in Indonesia.

We all know that meeting a girl in a bar is not a smart thing to do, but in spite of that, this is the place where 90% of the "love-stories" between expats and Indonesian girls start. Most of these stories fail, and failures after failures, you start to realize that in bars & clubs, the girls you meet are mostly hookers or men-eaters, and you can't change them.

You may then ask yourself:

Where are the intelligent, smart, beautiful women in Jakarta, the one we want to live with or marry? How can expats meet decent girls in Jakarta?

I know around 50 expats/indonesian girls couples functioning well in Jakarta. Few of them met in bars. I made a survey on them, plus I added my own experience. The result is a good summary of how to meet girls you would want to marry in Jakarta, in no particular order:

Friends of Good friends:
Most of the couples I know were formed during private parties, dinners or in a social context when different groups of friends are mixing up. It may be a birthday party in Dragonfly, a wedding, a dinner between colleagues. Don't be afraid to pass the word around you that you are fed up with the bar scene, and that you are looking for a serious woman to be with. People love doing the match-making, and soon, they will try to arrange some meetings/dates with girls they know who have the same feelings than you. Be subtle and don't look desperate though. If your intentions are clear for everyone around you, you will become THE bachelor, and you will have a team working for you.

Why it's a good idea?: People from your circle usually know other persons who belong to the same social circle than you: Same jobs, same revenues, same education. It means you may meet someone with whom you have more things in common than a hostess in Blok M. I'm not criticizing girls in Blok M, but you have to admit it is a lot more difficult to connect with them, apart from the physical attraction.

- Classes: (Salsa, Cooking, etc...)
Other bule/Indo couples I know met during classes, especially dance lessons and cooking classes:
Type of girls: 30ish, Rich, Classy, Normal jobs, speak English, who would rather date an expat than an indonesian guy (for cultural reasons).
Why it's easy?: In these activities, there are a lot more guy than girls and you, the expat, are the target of these girls.
Why it can be tricky?: For Salsa: Even if you are there to learn, it's better to be a good cavalier and to enjoy dancing. If you are faking, you will loose all your appeal.
Where: Tuesday evening, 19h in Mistere, in Ritz Carlton.

- Internet
Internet is a good way to meet girls in Jakarta, but you should be careful because it is a tool used by many prostitutes too. Beware of the sexually explicit profile, or of girls that are too aggressive and down to the point.
Type of girls: Many girls who are not used to go clubbing but who would also like meeting a foreigner. Usually from the middle class and cute, traditional but not too much.
Why it's easy?: With internet, girls are not scared to talk with you . By chatting a few girls, you also have a lot more different opportunities to choose from.
Where do I start? Badoo, Tagged, Facebook, Yahoo Messenger

You can also try to post an ad on Jakarta100bars: Personals / Classifieds Jakarta
Muslima is a website for those who wish to meet Indonesian Muslim girls
- Weddings
Type of girls: A little bit of everything, depending on the wedding.
Why it's easy?: If you are not anti-social, you should be invited to a lot of them during your stay in Indonesia. Just like in Europe, weddings give thoughts to most girls, who will be in a positive state of mind to meet a potential boyfriend. You will also have the possibility to ask question about the girl you like because chances are the person who invited you know her, and will probably be happy to make the two of you meet.

-Cultural Events
If your embassy organizes events, then it is a great opportunity to meet girls, usually well-educated and smart, who have an interest in your home country's culture and language. The French Cultural Center shows and exhibitions are always packed with student girls who dream about going to Paris and who are very open at the idea of meeting a French guy.

- Malls
Type of girls: Depending on the mall, from spoiled girls to middle-class ones. Hanging out in malls in the most popular activity of Jakartans so this is the place to go to see and meet lots of different woman. In my opinion it is over-rated: To be honest, the guys I know who met girls in Malls were often disappointed because they found out the girls were interested in $$$.
Why it's difficult though?: You have to walk to them and talk. Good girls are usually quite shy to be seen with foreigners in public and they will probably be a little distant, especially in front of their friends. Your objective should only be to get a phone number, nothing more. Some places are more easy within the mall of course, like the cinema, the gym, or any queues...

- Workplace:
Type of girls: Obviously, the working, independant, educated type.
Why it's difficult?: It's never too good to mix work and love. You have to be very careful, but if you are discreet, it can work well and it made at least a couple expat friends happy. To be noted: They were Expats working in large companies, and the person they dated didn't work in the same department than them.

- Some bars/clubs
Type of girls: Rarely the good ones you can trust, but at least the funkiest ones and the prettiest ones.
Why it's easy?: Girls go to clubs to meet guys, they get drunk, they flirt, etc...
For tricks about meeting girls in Jakarta bars & night clubs, I wrote a special post available here: Which bars to find girls in Jakarta? and you can also read my list of Ladies' nights in Jakarta.

And what about you? Where do you think are the good areas to find "normal" girls in Jakarta? Please share with us!

Photos were taken from Flickr and they are supposed to be "free of use". For any complaints please just email me!